His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
