I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
The struggles of a small town man whore
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize