I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
