they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Randomize
