bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
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