he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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