His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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