There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
