He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
