I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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