Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
