What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize
