Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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