where am i from again
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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