nut hugger
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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