i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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