Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
My penis needs a shock collar
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
