Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
