I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
