if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
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