I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
