He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
