i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
