I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I am never drinking with the goths again.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
