Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
