I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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