weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
barbara walters just said penis...
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Just puked most of my soul out..
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