One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
