That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
