Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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