Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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