she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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