I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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