Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
