i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
