i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
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