oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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