WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
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