swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
you will always have a special place in my vag
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Randomize
