the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
