How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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