There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
so much tequila, so little girl.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize