Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
