It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
