I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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