Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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