I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
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