I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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