I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize