the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
