Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
