I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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