We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Randomize
