I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
