no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
