No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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