Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize
