her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
