i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
