Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
