I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
