Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize