He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
