Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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