While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
