I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Naked Twister starts at high noon
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
