Pappa wants mamma naked
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
The Olympian is in my bed
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
