Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
