I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
