its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Just puked most of my soul out..
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