this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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