You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize