Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
