I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
