After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
