you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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