im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
