DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
sarcasm needs its own font
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
