Can Purell be used as lube?
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Randomize
