You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
