Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
