yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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