i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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