mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Randomize
