I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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